Waiting for the green light.
Updated: Jul 30, 2019
I’ve recently learned it’s easier to write a letter as way to express myself because when I express how I feel in person people walk away. It doesn’t matter how deeply I feel for them.
Sitting in my car at 2:38am just listening to music and having a moment to think and cry when hear a song that reminds me of someone.
Sometimes I go out but all I want to do is be home. I go because I need to let loose..I don’t want to feel anymore.
Life is hard..I’m constantly trying to find a solution to everything that I need to fix. Relationships, career…when I drink, get high, have sex it doesn’t take the pain away. It doesn’t fix any problems because the next day I feel worse and more in pain. I ask myself, “why?” It feels like I’m stuck at a red light or in traffic in the 405 freeway.
Sometimes I try to change myself just to make someone else happy.. I never thought I would do that but a month ago I met someone that I thought was the one. I realize you do crazy things when you fall in love but why do people play games? Why do people date when they are confused and they don’t know what they really want? My heart fell apart and I wanted to give up on love. I don’t have any interest in dating or waiting for love anymore. Don’t get me wrong I do have a lot of self love but being alone in a city where everyone is hungry for real love.. it’s not easy to keep up.
I like to listen to the same song 5 times in a row..just because I love it. I’m a Scorpio and Scorpios are very passionate about everything. One of my friends told me “I love you because you are a lover. When you truly love something, you give everything of yourself..it’s very rare to find someone like that.”
I feel like I’m stopped at a red light and its the longest I’ve ever had to wait. How do I take all this pain away ? I’ve been the same loving, caring and compassionate person but I feel that hasn’t served me well. When my faith and everything that I want in life is tested I ask god “when is this red light going to change? I’m waiting for a green light so I can see and enjoy all the blessings you have waiting for me”